Chavez is Dead ! Long Live Exxon!


By Alberto Pupo

The below is a piece of correspondence obtained from an insider at Exxon Mobil, who mistakenly received this letter. It is from an anonymous Exxon Mobil Executive addressing the shareholders shortly after Chavez was pronounced dead. Below is what he or she had to say to the shareholders….


Dear Shareholder,

Today is a glorious day. As you know  the Venezuelan Dictator and Communist blowhard Chavez is dead! This is fantastic news for all of us here at Exxon. Venezuela for too long has been an untapped gold mine. As a Nation sitting on massive oil reserves Venezuela is a treasure. Under the Communist rule of Castro.. er Chavez, the beautiful sweet crude has been a property of the state. We at Exxon have been lobbying viciously for years to have this changed. Regime change in coordination with the CIA was the goal, we tried a few times but royally screwed the pooch. The good news is this time Chavez was undone by his own evil, the Good Lord was on our side. We prayed and prayed for a miracle and the Good Lord gave it to us via Cancer (or as I like to call it a miracle). With Chavez out of the way the CIA can do what it does best and set up  one of boys to take the country Rrght back to us.

2013 promises now to be a very profitable year for you the shareholder. Once our friendly politicians are in power they will open up the spigots, and we fatten the bottom line and everyone wins. This is the what Jesus intended for us to use the Earth to make ourselves rich and powerful. What happened to Chavez was just another example of how Good eventually triumphs over Evil, Free Market, over Communism, America over everyone!

So with the new turn of events I just wanted to be the first to bring the good word. Expect to hear more about our advances as the profits roll in and your shares will increase as well. Prepare to make a down payment on that little Seaside Villa you always wanted, because very soon it will become a reality. This will be Exxon’s year raise a glass to 2013!


Warmest Regards,

Mr…. (name was redacted to preserve identity)

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